How would you feel when you learn you have a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) and, worse, you don't remember being unfaithful to your partner? Sure, you would think of only one possibility, that your partner is the cause of your situation. But how do you approach them with the matter without evoking emotions?

 

Of course, you’ll be confused, angry, frustrated, and sometimes feel betrayed. In other words, you may harbor so many feelings for your partner. After all, do STDs transmit themselves? But, it’s normal to be frightened, especially in the aftermath of positive results.

 

However, it wouldn’t be best to make a scene. So first, on the hit of the moment, ensure you avoid making a rushed decision that you may regret later. Understandably, it would be hard to endure the feelings.

 

Here is the good news, we have outlined the best ways to help you tell someone they gave you STD and, most importantly, without hurting their feelings.

 

But first, let’s understand STDs

Understanding STDs

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), also known as Sexually Transmitted Infections, are sexual conditions resulting from unprotected sexual contact with an infected person.

 

A few examples are; syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, genital herpes, and many other STDs

 

Before we discuss how to tell someone they gave you STD, let’s take a step back and discuss why you should tell your partner you have STDs in the first place.

Why you must tell your partner you have an STD

Most life-positive results are motivating, a promotion or pay rise, and the news of a baby born, among others. However, not the same feelings are expressed when one is positive of any sexually transmitted infections. Besides, after STD screening or testing, and one is positive, some would have to live with the consequences of the STDs like infertility, which may change their way of life.

 

So why is it better for your partner to know you're STD positive?

 

After the diagnosis and treatment, you must inform your partner since their health is at risk. For instance, there are some STDs like gonorrhea and chlamydia that, if left untreated, could cause serious health problems such as infertility or deadly ectopic pregnancy to women.

 

Therefore, telling your partner means you care about them. Besides, they may not be infected, so telling them means you’re protecting them from the infections.

 

Wait, there’s more of the reasons:

  • Telling your partner gives the chance to seek early treatment
  • You may be treated, and if your partner isn't, you increase your chances of reinfection
  • Not telling your partner you’re STD positive you’re positive may be  a criminal offense in some states

 

From the above point letting your partner know you have STDs is a good thing. But the problem would be how to start telling them you’re positive. Sometimes you can get embarrassed to share, among other reasons.

Here are some reasons why your partner may not tell you they have STD

To some individuals, the fear of how their partners would react to the news that they have STD would always make them stay silent.

 

Your partner may not tell you they have STD because:

 

They are too embarrassed and ashamed

 

You can be willing to share, but the shame and embarrassment plus the thought of what our partner would say. Again, one might have a bad experience with disclosure, so they may choose to stay silent than repeat the feelings.

 

When they never had any symptoms

 

You can never disclose details of what you don’t know, can you? Besides, there are some STIs that don't show signs unless STD screening is conducted. And most people assume lack of symptoms means they have no infection. Plus, maybe they never knew their disease was contagious.

 

Also, some may not disclose because they are ignorant and intentionally want to make you sick. That’s why you should always ensure you know the status of your partner before engaging in sexual contact. Still, ensure you’re protected.

How to tell your partner you have STI

Starting a conversation can be challenging. The fear of being judged and breakup are among the factors that would linger in your mind. But, what good would you be if you don't let them know your status?

 

Here are the telling tips you need to deploy:

 

Get your facts right

 

Your partner would want to know how it happened. They’ll have concerns and questions that you must answer. You must also have complete details about the STD to be confident to share what you know from the transmission, symptoms to treatment.

 

Be honest

 

This is the time you have to show your partner they can still trust you. Therefore, be honest when answering their concerns, even if you had never been honest with them. But of course, you must be prepared they can be upset.

 

The most important thing to do is listen to your partners’ concerns or fear and provide them with the correct information. If they need time to process the news, please give them time to take in the information.

 

It would be wonderful to share your status to avoid the risks of staying silent.

 

What can you do when you find out your partner had STD and didn't tell you? And worse, what happens if they have already infected you?

Here are ways to tell someone they gave you an STD

Here are some facts you must know first.

 

You may indeed be tempted to throw accusations on your partner when you realize you have an STD. But before you do that, you’d want to get your facts right. Besides, your current partner may not be the cause. What if you had the STD, but it was asymptomatic?

 

So unless you’ve exclusively dated only one partner, then no way will you know how long the STD has taken in your body. Therefore, before you go leveling accusations, you must be sure your partner has an STD, which you only find out when you go for STD screening.

 

But can you bring the discussion of testing to your partner when you already know you’re positive? It’s awkward

 

Here are the best ways then:

 

Start the conversation as soon as possible

 

Of course, the best time to bring STD topics would be before you get intimate. However, suppose you have been dating, and you test positive for an STD, plus you are sure you got it from your partner. It's okay to bring the conversation as soon as possible.

 

You never know, they may not have tested, and therefore, they don't even know they are infected.  Besides, keeping such lousy news can be haunting.

 

But, how can you start the conversation?

 

That brings me to tip number two.

 

You must practice healthy communication

 

Sure, you may be angry, and you may want to talk to your partner rather than talk with them. Therefore, when discussing STDs with your partner; know how to start a conversation, ensure you maintain an open discussion with an approachable attitude.

 

You don’t want to lecture your partner because some may never open up when they feel you’re furious. So, all you must do is stay calm, engage your partner, and let them know how you think but never make them feel you're accusing them.

 

In other words, avoid being accusatory. Why? You may be the cause of your problems, as you may have contracted the diseases long before your met your partner. Or you got involved with another person, and your partner isn't the reason for your infection.

 

Simply put, during your conversation, you must ensure you pick the right tone and straightforwardly approach your communication or discussion. Never get angry, or feel frustrated.

 

It would be best if you also decided on where you want to have your conversation. Of course, communication varies with settings. Besides, it’s a private matter that only concerns the two of you. You don’t want to be interrupted, or people overhear you.

 

Also, during your conversation;

 

Put yourself in your partners’ shoes

 

As much as you feel betrayed, you should always question what if it were you. How would you like to be engaged?

 

We must admit that having STD doesn't necessarily mean someone cheated. Some sexual STDs can spread without having sex. Some are passed through touch bases, contaminated food, and blood transfusion and shave share, among other ways. Therefore, don’t play the blame game. Maybe they never cheated and got infected via different mentioned ways.

Conclusion

Finding out that you have an STD can be traumatizing. But what hurts most is to realize your partner is the cause of your infection. Of course, you must be confident that they have an STD. Otherwise, you'll be leveling accusations to the wrong person.

 

To tell someone they gave you STD can be challenging and in most cases, people would end up saying things that they may regret later. But, to ensure you let your partner know how you feel without evoking their emotion, start a conversation as soon as you realize you’re infected. However, communication must stay healthy while putting yourself in your partners’ shoes. Don’t say certain things that would hurt or ruin their life.

 

Contributor: admin